snippets of my life

Diary

Loneliness

"Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?"

Recently, in one of the deep conversations I've had with my friend over in New Zealand, somehow we stumbled the topic on loneliness. I'm not sure if I can spell her real name out, but for the sake of privacy, let's call her Tiffany (just because that's the first name that popped into my mind). And come to think about it, she does look like a Tiffany. :p

People claimed that Tiffany and I are twins. Maybe in our past lives. Whatever she felt, I felt. Whatever she experienced, I experienced as well. Up to the point where it was creepy... haha!

We talk pretty much daily, and we pretty much share whatever happens in our days, or in our minds. We've been going back and forth about mental health. Especially my mental health. One day, "loneliness" came up in the conversation. Basically, she said that she's been feeling pretty lonely lately. Now that she mentioned it, I think I do too, and not realized it. Or the fact that I used work as an escape.

Maybe it was the fact that we're both far from home, from family, from close friends. Or maybe I used to have weekly rituals or plans back in Indonesia. Or maybe since we both just moved abroad, we haven't really found our cliques yet.

Whatever the reason is, I do try to distract myself from those kinds of thoughts. I try to get out of the house as much as possible. Even if it's just window shopping in the mall, or a park nearby. Truth is, no matter how big of an introvert we all are, we still need other people to survive, or at least for our own sanity. Other people's energy can be a pleasant thing, to some extent.

Lately, the gym has always been my escape. My gym time is something I look forward to everyday. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Switching from work to a workout haha. But I feel that it's important to have something to look forward to everyday, especially for me. Otherwise, I know I'll just be working. Non-stop. Which, as we all know, is super unhealthy.

Lastly, I think it's important for us, even for me, to remember, that loneliness does not define us. That it is just a feeling, and it may come and go.

P.S: Cats help too :p